FML

So the one girl i actaully cared enough about to try and be with agian, blew me off sunday. She threw me some bullshit about not wanting a bf then 4 days later goes out with the ugliest mother fucker i have ever seen. She then precedes to tell me that she doesn't like me anymore even though for the last 6 months or so she has been saying that she still loved me and i was one of the few guys she actually loved. So what am i? I'm just that in-between kid that girls date till they find something better apperently. I hate being nice. I hate that i care so much about people then i alway's end up getting hurt in the end. Why do i seem to get tormented? why do i have to find the stupids girls to date then i really end up getting fucked over(and not the good kind) So now that i understand that theres nothing really here for me, im honestly contemplating moving, I need to find some where new where i dont have to be like some cold hearted bastard just to get through the day. I want somewhere where i can be myself and not have to worry about some girl fucking me over all the damn time.

I just don't understand, what i did to deserve to be treated like shit? anybody want to give me a best guess?

-alan-

p.s. any suggestions of were to move to?

fuck all this bullshit

So apperently im just not good enough for people to come hang out with, or even be remotely around. All my friends are just gone. I dont have any. I sit alone all day, and theres just nothing left of anything that i think about. Nothing, is a good word for how i feel anymore, i guess you could call it a empty feeling but even then i dont think i could describe it just right. Im just a unfeeling bastard apperently, nobody wants to be around me, nobody calls, and nobody texts me, I know im sounding emoish right now but fuck people, fuck my life, fuck my job and most importantly fuck this little hick town of ohio. Im sick of fucking everything, people, not having friends, not having money, my car acting up, everything i cant have a normal fucking day. Sooo Heres my statement.

FUCK YOU!!!!!!! to the world.

If i get a chance to move, ill probabaly take it, theres nothing here for me, so why the fuck not.

Just a rant, a good old rant.

So my knees are fine, doctor said im healthy and what not. So my parents divorce is really taking a heavy toll on me, not as in im crying and emotionally its just the house situation. I'm pretty much taking care of the house by myself, so now if my mom gets it re-financed ill be paying the house payment, the internet and the lights..ect...

So now for the good shit i guess. Im just bored with everything. I have recently started up playing magic again, its fun, but i feel like people never try out anything different. Its the same old tatics with the people i play with, not so for all of them, just a couple regualar people i play with do the same old shit everytime, and it gets kinda annoying when your the only target out of 4 people since they think i win all the time. Which i sometimes do but theres been times when i have lost, hell my uncle beats me all the time, and my friend brandon beat me the other day.

I'm actually contemplating about moving some where far away from all this bull shit, all the drama, all the just stupid shit that pisses me off hardcore. Im not sombody that just wants to sit around and watch tv, i want to go for walks, i want to go for swims, hell id be okay just walking around the park for a couple hours just to get out and do something. I shouldnt be this bored with my life at the age of 20, I just shouldnt. I really dont have much of a drive to do anything rigt now, becuase nothing even looks appealing to do.

I don't know whats wrong with me. I feel like im losing all my friends. Nobody texts or calls just to say hey alan whats up, its always hey i need this or are we doing this or something else along those lines, sometimes i just want to feel appreciated, is that to much to ask? Apprently it is..lol..I also hate my job, theres no respect at that place, theres no senority theres only, hey your my fave you get to get away with eveything, you know i just dont know what to do anymore, I don't like putting my shit on people becuase i feel like im being a burdern, and when i keep everything in, i just know im going to explode, i just dont feel like being around anybody, that sounds horrible, but i just dont feel like i care enough about anybody to be with anybody, so it's hard to go to anybody with problems. That and i hate hearing im sorry, i just cant stand hearing those fucking words, that just irritates me to the bitter end. >.< I'm sorry wont make me feel better and it wont fix shit, so just dont say it, that and people being like oh well your telling me all this but i have no input because im a dumb person that cant think of something logically to say.

But its like 12:27 so im wrapping this up, ill probally post something else tomorrow about my shitty life at the moment. but for now....

Rememeber to eat your oppents heart so you can gain there rich, tasty courage.

-alan-

a little update

Well so my car was acting up a couple of days. Its semi running okay now lol. I get my knees looked at tomorrow. And work continues to suck to the extreme because of certain people i work with. Oh well...

ill update more later

-alan-

just something

You know its funny how people always say, people change for the best. I don't really beleive that, because some people never change or if they do change it could be for the worst. This shit with my parents is killing me, im not sure how i should feel anymore, it did kill all thoughts of me getting married i have seen to many failures at that. On on hand i have my mom shes been through everything with me, and on the other i have my step dad, who likes to bitch at me and make me feel like everything i have ever done was a failure. I hate feeling like that, theres quite a few people that make me feel that way, or they make me feel like im nothing, im just the kid that is nice and gets pushed around. I really hate feeling like that, but i take it just so i can have friends. I try so hard sometimes, but i still get no where in the end. I feel like i don't deserve respect but at the same time i respect those that dont deserve it. Am i so different and so open-minded that this closed mind state i live in, will snuff out all chances i have to be somebody different from the i want to settle down and raise a family bunch?



-alan-

my tattoo :)

there it is the demon sign :)

test

well im decided to join so i can have a rant page about stupidy or find if i find interesting things.