just something

You know its funny how people always say, people change for the best. I don't really beleive that, because some people never change or if they do change it could be for the worst. This shit with my parents is killing me, im not sure how i should feel anymore, it did kill all thoughts of me getting married i have seen to many failures at that. On on hand i have my mom shes been through everything with me, and on the other i have my step dad, who likes to bitch at me and make me feel like everything i have ever done was a failure. I hate feeling like that, theres quite a few people that make me feel that way, or they make me feel like im nothing, im just the kid that is nice and gets pushed around. I really hate feeling like that, but i take it just so i can have friends. I try so hard sometimes, but i still get no where in the end. I feel like i don't deserve respect but at the same time i respect those that dont deserve it. Am i so different and so open-minded that this closed mind state i live in, will snuff out all chances i have to be somebody different from the i want to settle down and raise a family bunch?



-alan-